There are times when you are unexpectedly rejected.
想告诉你我的心
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小周
- Posts: 1669
- Joined: 10-07-08 Thu 2:22 pm
- Location: 吉打
人与人之间的沟通很奥妙，有时候，对方的肢体语言、一句不经意的答复，皆会引起双方的不快与误解。
谈沟通，免不了要知道性别不同，思维有别的一些普通常识。
阿灿，真抱歉，小周在此借题发挥。
http://employees.oneonta.edu/vomsaaw/w/ ... cation.htm
Gender differences in communication styles.
Notes for discussion by Walter vom Saal
Below are summaries of two books that claim there are significant and consistent differences in communication styles between men and women. One is a popular book for the general public; the second is more professionally oriented and based on research. It is interesting how much overlap there is in the views of these two authors.
Gray, John (1992). Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: a practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in relationships. New York: HarperCollins.
This book was a best seller in 1995; it is entertaining and easy to read. The author argues that men and women are “from different planets”: they have different needs, goals, values, and communication styles. He claims that understanding these differences is the key to successful relationships. Differences include:
- when talking about a problem, women want empathy and understanding but men offer solutions.
- a woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships; a man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
- women are relationship oriented; men are goal oriented.
- mistakes women and men make in conversations: a woman follows her natural tendency to offer unsolicited advice, but the man sees it as questioning his competence and ability; a man follows his natural tendency to offer solutions, but the woman sees it as invalidating her feelings.
- women cope with stress by reaching out and talking; men cope with stress by withdrawing (Chapter 3: “men go to their caves and women talk").
- women want to feel cherished; men want to feel needed.
- women want respect and devotion; men want appreciation and admiration.
Tannen, Deborah (1990). You just don’t understand: women and men in conversation. New York: Ballantine Books (paperback).
This book is an easy-to-read description of the ways women and men miscommunicate because of their “different words and different worlds.” Summary:
Men: live in a world of status
Women: live in a world of connections
Men: conversations are negotiations for power
Women: conversations are negotiations for closeness
Men: want to preserve independence
Women: want to preserve intimacy
Men: seek to win, avoid failure
Women: seek closeness, avoid isolation
Men: avoid taking orders (since that means low status and loss of independence)
Women: ok with taking orders (if it is perceived as forming a connection)
Men: seek control
Women: seek understanding
Men: prefer inequality and asymmetry
Women: prefer equality and symmetry
Men: are adversarial (with conflicting goals)
Women: are synergistic (with common goals)
Men: value differences
Women: value similarities value similarities
Men: goal of conversation: transmit information
Women: goal of conversation: maintain interaction
Men: offer advice
Women: seek connection and understanding
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Although these two authors suggest a general agreement on ways in which men and women differ, not everyone agrees with them. In particular, it is critical to understand that even if there may be average tendencies in the directions they suggest, these generalizations certainly do not apply to all men and all women. There are certainly some men who would fit the communication characteristics described here as common to women, and there are certainly some women who would fit the characteristics described here as common to men. As in other characteristics we have discussed in this course, it may be more useful to understand that different people may have different ways of communicating, than to assume that all women communicate one way and all men communicate another way.
若有兴趣，可参阅以下相关资料：
Gender Differences In Relationship Communication
http://www.my-counseling-site.com/gende ... ences.html
Gender Differences In Communication
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/2052/genddiff.html
Gender Differences In Communication: An Intercultural Experience
http://eserver.org/feminism/gender-differences.txt
谈沟通，免不了要知道性别不同，思维有别的一些普通常识。
阿灿，真抱歉，小周在此借题发挥。
http://employees.oneonta.edu/vomsaaw/w/ ... cation.htm
Gender differences in communication styles.
Notes for discussion by Walter vom Saal
Below are summaries of two books that claim there are significant and consistent differences in communication styles between men and women. One is a popular book for the general public; the second is more professionally oriented and based on research. It is interesting how much overlap there is in the views of these two authors.
Gray, John (1992). Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: a practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in relationships. New York: HarperCollins.
This book was a best seller in 1995; it is entertaining and easy to read. The author argues that men and women are “from different planets”: they have different needs, goals, values, and communication styles. He claims that understanding these differences is the key to successful relationships. Differences include:
- when talking about a problem, women want empathy and understanding but men offer solutions.
- a woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships; a man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
- women are relationship oriented; men are goal oriented.
- mistakes women and men make in conversations: a woman follows her natural tendency to offer unsolicited advice, but the man sees it as questioning his competence and ability; a man follows his natural tendency to offer solutions, but the woman sees it as invalidating her feelings.
- women cope with stress by reaching out and talking; men cope with stress by withdrawing (Chapter 3: “men go to their caves and women talk").
- women want to feel cherished; men want to feel needed.
- women want respect and devotion; men want appreciation and admiration.
Tannen, Deborah (1990). You just don’t understand: women and men in conversation. New York: Ballantine Books (paperback).
This book is an easy-to-read description of the ways women and men miscommunicate because of their “different words and different worlds.” Summary:
Men: live in a world of status
Women: live in a world of connections
Men: conversations are negotiations for power
Women: conversations are negotiations for closeness
Men: want to preserve independence
Women: want to preserve intimacy
Men: seek to win, avoid failure
Women: seek closeness, avoid isolation
Men: avoid taking orders (since that means low status and loss of independence)
Women: ok with taking orders (if it is perceived as forming a connection)
Men: seek control
Women: seek understanding
Men: prefer inequality and asymmetry
Women: prefer equality and symmetry
Men: are adversarial (with conflicting goals)
Women: are synergistic (with common goals)
Men: value differences
Women: value similarities value similarities
Men: goal of conversation: transmit information
Women: goal of conversation: maintain interaction
Men: offer advice
Women: seek connection and understanding
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Although these two authors suggest a general agreement on ways in which men and women differ, not everyone agrees with them. In particular, it is critical to understand that even if there may be average tendencies in the directions they suggest, these generalizations certainly do not apply to all men and all women. There are certainly some men who would fit the communication characteristics described here as common to women, and there are certainly some women who would fit the characteristics described here as common to men. As in other characteristics we have discussed in this course, it may be more useful to understand that different people may have different ways of communicating, than to assume that all women communicate one way and all men communicate another way.
若有兴趣，可参阅以下相关资料：
Gender Differences In Relationship Communication
http://www.my-counseling-site.com/gende ... ences.html
Gender Differences In Communication
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/2052/genddiff.html
Gender Differences In Communication: An Intercultural Experience
http://eserver.org/feminism/gender-differences.txt
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容淑维
- Posts: 1785
- Joined: 08-01-06 Sun 10:21 pm
- Location: Malaysia
- Contact:
人们会吵架有时是发球的人是这个意，接球人却误为另一意了。"Catch no ball"是有可能的。接球人心不在焉 或是 传球人忽略了接球人的“接球技术”，都有可能造成"catch no ball"。
"Playing catch"是要双向的，如果一方要玩，另一方不玩，接球人拒绝接球，这游戏就不能继续玩下去。
那么样的沟通在传球接球的游戏里不懂叫做什么？
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容淑维
- Posts: 1785
- Joined: 08-01-06 Sun 10:21 pm
- Location: Malaysia
- Contact:
有的时候我们一直只顾着传球没有注意到人家传来的球，或故意把人传来的球给忽略……小周 wrote:阿灿，如果“catch no ball”是该怪接球人心不在焉，或是传球人忽略了接球人的“接球技巧”，把球抛得过高或过于快速？
所以接球人和传球人的身份要需要交替在我们个人出现。